Irrational Irritation

possibly also known as PMS....

Today alas, I do find myself on the verge of quite immense irritation and am finding self to be annoyed at itsy little nothingness.. Lets start at school shall we?

Blue Thursday - short notice cyber bullying campaign hurled at me by school, aim, I'm not entirely sure of, result me running around trying to find girly a suitable blue outfit for the fashion & style conscious infant. Success with leggings & smock style top, only to be left hanging in the cupboard as she does not attend due to illness - I could have donated the bloody money to the bizarre and little known blue cyberbullying charity and saved time & effort - boy who does attend school is given a bright blue biscuit made with entirely hyperactivity inducing ingredients and popped home for mummy to enjoy the benefits.

Bring chocolate to school Monday - each child to traipse off into school with immense body sized bar of chocolate in effort to be more generous than the other mummy's - all chocolate into a chocolate tombola for the esteemed school fair.

Send your child to school dressed as a Victorian school child Thursday.... shall spend from now until then searching out old clothes, rolling them around in smuts and soot and ripping edges, in effort to reproduce two cold shivering, scantily dressed, snotty nosed, rickets suffering, contagious disease ridden children to deposit (after an early morning visit to Doctor for swine flu jab dressed as a tramp & risk run of a report to social services) at school.

Bring a bottle to school Friday - send both children into school precariously bearing bottle of wine ('tis Teachers wino Friday, cunningly disguised as community spirited bottle raffle to be held at the Christmas fair)

Which indeeds brings me to the Christmas Fair Sunday, at which although I have no recollection of actually agreeing to partake, am to find myself as a Christmas Fair Stall Keeper.

Which leads me to believe that this has been drive mummy mad week! Made worse by fact that my soup is too volcanically hot to put into mouth, therefore huffing & puffing to blow my soup cool, therefore consumption extremely slow, therefore hindering progress on any of the aforementioned items. And to add insult.. cat has jumped onto kitchen side & licked the tops of all the freshly baked bread rolls ARRGGGH!

And yes I know there are billions of people in far more dire a situation, but as I said right at the beginning this is Irrational Irritation post & so I'm covered!

First Full Week At School

The culmination of 4 years & 4 weeks of my 'good' parenting has been reached & Boyo is just completing his first full week at school as I write. We started off on Monday, full of enthusiasm, putting on his own big boy uniform, shoes, carrying bags etc (this has slowly become more mummy led) as the week wore on. But nonetheless, he appeared to have enjoyed his introduction into his seemingly endless school life.

Not be overlooked is a small misunderstanding regarding the good children sticker system mid-week which led to buckets of tears at bedtime (he not being the recipient of such accolade), mummy (that's me) dutifully gave an explanation into how being good means you get team points, and if you win (by having the most in your colour coded group) then you receive a good child sticker. A slightly long winded system for a little person to understand but hey. Secretly though feel like going out and buying the most fabulous iridescent , flashing, glittered, bloody singing a chorus of praise stickers and plastering them on him as he comes out of school. (Obviously I know this is very wrong & would be frowned upon greatly...)

Equally un-overlookable is the fact that I was called into school at the end of yesterday to discuss his unacceptable 'rough & boisterous" behaviour & the fact he chases the other children with sticks, and when this is explained to him as not being the right thing to do he closes his eyes & won't look at the reprimander. Consequently I am shouted in from the playground infront of all the other mummy's and I am now sat on a 6 inch high, far to small for bottom chair whilst being told off by teacher regarding his actions. She explains to me everything in easy to understand language whilst speaking very slow & clearly and for this I am 'eternally' grateful as if spoken to like an adult their is a chance I would not have understood!! (note sarcasm in writing). And so I sit graciously listening to her advice and opinions, and .... do I say anything, do I voice my opinion (especially the one about why they are letting him run around with a stick..) NO! It is actually as if I am 4 myself & on the verge of tears.

I stomp home, seething as although this is entirely not what happened it somehow was interpreted by my brain as **You Mrs. Mallins are a very shit mother who clearly has no control over her son & needs to attend a parenting degree class with great urgency, she then stuck two fingers up at me & went off to the staff room to discuss my incapability & the fact my nail varnish was a little chipped***

Today in dutiful mummy who wants the teacher to like her bestest mode I shall construct a bloody fabulous amazing star chart with glittery stars (in my best Supernanny effort) to encourage my child to be good at school with the promised reward of 5 stars (1 for each day) = a dinosaur